Every time I tell coach I'm comparing myself to...anything, he hits me with the "comparison is the thief of joy", I roll my eyes every time he says that, BUT he's right so here's what I've learned. Whether it's your past self, or others around you, comparison is never the answer. Comparison and correlation is part of human nature, we can't change that, but we can learn to accept where we are and why playing the comparison game will only hurt you in the long run.
I've got a few different stories I want to share here; they are all different types of comparison, but they all boil down to the same thing at the end: Accepting where I'm at and focusing on my own journey. Nevertheless, here they are.
The first story I want to share kind of goes back to the progress piece a few weeks ago. Flashback to high school, whenever I put my mind to it, I can run the time I want, massive PRs every time, crushing workouts, never overthinking anything, enjoying every minute of it. Then I get to college, its hard and a lot more stressful, PRs aren't so frequent and bad workouts happen (I had never experienced such a thing until then). Comparison to myself is what makes this so hard. "I was doing so well back then, what can I do to get back to that? I miss it so much". This way of thinking just put unnecessary pressure on myself, took the fun out of it, and simply made me perform worse.
Putting things into perspective was the key here:
- Realizing that in a memory, we probably only remember the good parts and forget the hard part. because everything was not sunshine and rainbows like I remember it.
- Workouts are way harder now, I am meant to reach a limit occasionally, that means I am learning, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
- The PRs I am clinging to were outliers, as an example: it’s not like I was breaking 4:50 frequently in high school, it only happened once so why do I expect to now be able to do it every time now?
- A lot of things are changing and there is an adjustment period we need to allow ourselves to take.
This year was the worst of the comparison. So here's another story: A great example was this indoor season. It was my first time running at 3k, and I was running really well in workouts, so I got put in the fast heat. The women in my heat were really fast so that was scary in itself, but I also got caught up in my high school 2-mile PR and was stressed about being able to run that time (converted) before we even got on the bus. We get to the clerking area and the rabbit says she's going through the mile in 4:56, and ohhhhh boy did that send me in a spiral. "These past two years I've only been able to run low 4:50s in the mile how am I going to run this pace for almost double. The first mistake here was assuming everyone else was confident about that pace and I was the outlier. It’s easy to look at everyone else and assume they are as cool and collected on the inside as they are showing. This is obviously not true because I also don't look like I'm panicking, but we just established, I am. So, this is the first point about stopping the comparison: you're making assumptions, so the story about the people around you likely isn't even accurate. I'm comparing myself to the perfect story I've made up about the stranger standing next to me, it’s an impossible image I've made up for that person. Long story short: comparing it just going to make you feel less than, even though it’s probably not true because you don't know everything about the person next to you.
I got so caught up in these comparisons for this race and went to the starting line soooo tense. We always talk about taking the path of least resistance in a race, even if it’s the outside, take the path that uses the least amount of energy. this is true mentally as well, going into a race super tense or overly nervous, it won't motivate you in the way you think. It's going to use precious energy and you’re going to wear yourself out. Because of this, I left the race upset, I didn't perform as I expected or to the level my fitness should have allowed me. In my meeting with coach after the race he said "your high school times have you in a shackle and I feel so bad for you"...like thanks I feel bad for me to how do we fix this. We settled on a few things that I tried to work on a little bit in the next races that year. Focus on my effort, look for the positives, accept where I am now, and focus on my journey because everyone takes their own path. These things are MUCH easier said the done but are good things to work towards.
We also have the body image comparison game. This one sucks because its more dangerous and so much harder to avoid in races. This winter I went through these 2-week cycles where I would start eating well and focusing on the positives of what it feels like to be fueled, then I would race, and it all went back downhill. And it didn't matter how I raced, where I placed, or how I felt, there was always someone around me who looked leaner, thinner, or lighter than me. Again, the first mistake is assuming things about everyone around me. First, an important thing to remember is, if I'm overthinking what my body looks like, it’s likely that I'm going to pick out traits from people around me to compare, even if to a bystander, we look the same. The other thing is that I do not know the story of the person next to me. I can assume they are fully fueled and have more energy than me but still look "better" but I don't know, maybe they have their own set of problems. After all, this isn't exactly a lighthearted casual start line conversation. What I've started to work on during races is reminding myself of these things as well as focusing on my own journey. There is literally nothing to be gained from comparing, it’s easier said than done but I try to appreciate where I am and try to be confident that where I am at can carry me to success. Another important part of this topic is remembering we all come in different shapes and sizes and what someone else looks like when they perform well gives you zero indication of what you will look like performing at your best. You will perform well at whatever point you are able to fuel your body without restriction when your mind is clear from judgment and all your energy can be spent on your effort and your own journey.
So, these are just a few of the VERY many times I've struggled with this topic, and it’s going to happen. We will all compare, but we can lessen the impact or learn from it. Just to summarize all the things I've learned this year about comparison:
- I'm on my own journey no stranger has any impact on that journey, so comparing to them won't be helpful.
- I'm in a different stage of life then I was 3 years ago so there are way more factors to consider other than the time.
- I don't know the story about the person next to me so I'm obviously going to assume they are better than me.
- Comparing doesn't hurt anyone but me, so if I want to perform well, maybe I should stop.
If any of that was relatable, I hope you found it helpful and found some tools to take into this upcoming cross-country season because we are kicking comparison to the curb this fall!
Thanks for reading!
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Very good article, Emma. I compete in Ballroom dancing and this is relevant to my journey. It's really hard to not compare yourself to the others I am competing against. I must remember this is my journey! Thanks for all the insightful information. :))